“I don’t tell people, ‘You’re okay the way that you are.’ That’s not the right story. The right story is, ‘You’re way less than you could be.” ~ Jordan Peterson
Have you ever had someone tell you that you have potential? How about you know everything is going to be okay, right? Growing up, I heard these two phrases a lot from a variety of people. To be transparent, I made many poor choices when I was young for various reasons, but nonetheless, I made them. With those choices came consequences, and out of those consequences came conversations with a broad spectrum of professionals, family, and friends who would encourage me by saying phrases like “you have so much potential,” “you’re okay, all you need to do is ___________,” or “you are okay just the way you are, don’t allow anyone to tell you likewise!”
In the late 60s, a gentleman named Thomas Anthony Harris wrote a self-help New York Times bestseller titled: “I’m Ok – You’re Ok.” In his book, Harris connects transactional analysis with psychotherapy and comes up with this model:
Four Life Positions¹
The phrase I’m OK, You’re OK is one of four “life positions” that each of us may take. The four positions are:
- I’m Not OK; You’re OK
- I’m Not OK; You’re Not OK
- I’m OK; You’re Not OK
- I’m OK; You’re OK
Harris argued that most children start as number one: I’m Not OK; You’re OK. Harris’s work heavily influenced pop culture and is still referred to today. The book received much criticism. Harris’ assertion that all children start with an I’m not OK, You’re OK life position was contested by his friend Eric Berne, the originator of TA, who believed that the natural state of a child was feeling I’m OK, You’re OK.².
A dear friend named Jim Monahan, who is now deceased, used to say to be funny and to make a point, “If you end up as a patient in a State Mental Hospital, they will apply electroshock therapy until someone is okay.” Jim referred to electroshock therapy which was popular in the 60s and 70s and revived in the 80s.³
Regardless of how you interpret Harris’s work, we all struggle with who we are and how we feel about ourselves from time to time. We live in a fallen world, so to suffer from a fallen nature is par for the course. Every one of us has hurts, habits, and hangups that develop as we grow up. These mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual disorders cause us to suffer in varying degrees. It’s because of our battle with these disorders that people point out our potential and say things like, “everything will be okay, you know that, right?” We typically respond with statements like, “That’s all great and dandy, but that’s not how I am experiencing it right this second.”
There is hope if our hope is in God. We are created in the image of God, by God, and to be in a relationship with God. Because God created humanity with free will, we get to choose to be in a relationship with God or not. Mysteriously, if we seek God’s help, God provides the healing, peace, and comfort we need to overcome our hurts, habits, and hangups. All we have to do to start is pray and ask God to live in our hearts and be the Director of our lives. Confessing our pain and suffering to God, along with our faults, is how we begin to develop this relationship. God created us for relationships, which means we will need the assistance of others in this spiritual process. Seek out trusted professionals and friends who live along spiritual lines and seek a spiritual solution for life’s problems.
Jordan Peterson is partially right; the story is not about if you are okay; the story is about you are way less than you could be because you are not rightly related to God. When you turn your will and life over to the care of God and get committed to putting your will in line with God’s, it is when you will begin to straighten out mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Don’t wait any longer; today is the day to let go and let God.
God of healing, comfort, peace, and love, thank You for being the Great Physician. You alone know my hurts, habits, and hangups better than anyone ever could. Today I turn my will and life over to You and ask You to live in my heart and become the Director of my life. Please heal my pain, and take away my suffering to grow and be of maximum service to You and the people in my life. In Your Spirit and Name, I pray these things. May Your will not mine, always materialize, now and forever. Amen.
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