Relationships in 3D

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” ~ Carl Jung

Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching. The topic of love and relationships will be front and center. God created us to be in a relationship with God’s self and each other. Most people struggle with their relationship with God and other human beings. Because of free will, we must choose how we will approach our relationships, and if we are honest, we know how easy it is to be obsessed with having things our way in every relationship that exists. Much too often, we experience our relationship in 3D, including our relationship with God.

Here are the 3Ds:

1. Demand
2. Dominate
3. Depend

The first D is for DEMAND. Do you demand a lot from God and the people in your life? Why are you so demanding? Is it because you must be in control and have things your way? Unreasonable demands and expectations are resentments in the making. This tendency also goes for your relationship with God. Who are you to demand anything from anyone, especially God?

The second D is for DOMINATE. Do you tend to try and dominate the relationships in your life?  It’s your way or the highway. When in conversation, you can’t wait to speak up and share your opinion. Many times you cut others off before they are even done sharing. This pattern bleeds into our prayer and meditation. Do you spend more time talking or listening to God? Are you busy spewing out requests for God, hoping God bends your way, instead of being still and listening for how to make God’s way your way?

The third D is for DEPEND. How dependent are you on people, places, and things for your happiness and peace of mind versus God? How much time do you spend in prayer and meditation throughout the day? Do you intentionally turn your will and life over to God daily, asking to be divorced from self-will and for your thoughts to be placed on loving God and your neighbors? Are you seeking dependence from the perfect love of God for your needs, or are you experiencing codependency, meaning-seeking love, understanding, and comfort from others, who are all imperfect and will eventually let you down, time and again? Codependency means your life is essentially not your own; it belongs to whoever you place your dependence on for your acceptance, happiness, and your well-being.

If we are all honest, we all have traits of the 3Ds. This time of year is a great time to pause, take a personal inventory on the 3Ds, share the results with a trusted person, ask for forgiveness from God, make amends when necessary, and then focus our actions on loving and serving God and our neighbor. When we focus on living an other-centered life versus a self-centered life, the 3Ds are not rearing their ugly head as often, causing friction and separation from God and the people we are blessed to have in our lives.

Below is the Peace Prayer of Saint Francis often referred to as the Eleventh Step Prayer in recovery circles:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.

O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Amen.