Less Than & Apart From

“Too much self-centered attitude, you see, brings, you see, isolation. Result: loneliness, fear, anger. The extreme self-centered attitude is the source of suffering.” ~ Dalai Lama

From as far back as I can remember, before God transformed my life, I battled with the syndrome of “Less Than & Apart From.” I define the syndrome this way, a person suffering from the delusion and emotional twist that they are worthless, and while in the presence of others, feel a million miles apart. Whenever I went anywhere, there was a major spiritual battle waged between my ears. One part of me wanted everyone to pay attention to me and validate that we were okay. The other part of me wanted everyone to leave me the hell alone, and the kicker was I needed them to happen simultaneously. I know it’s an impossible task, but what you thought of me paralyzed me. Self-centered fear caused my isolation, which is a byproduct of extreme self-centeredness, or if you wish, radical individualism. How I dealt with this syndrome in my youth and early twenties was abusing alcohol, mood-altering chemicals, and engaging in other intoxicating behaviors. These worldly solutions brought temporary relief, but the syndrome was right there waiting for me when I sobered up. I seemed to have been suffering from a hopeless state of mind and condition.

I discovered the solution when I turned my will and life over to God and learned to uncover, discover, and discard the junk embedded in my soul. For the past 34 years, I have enjoyed relief from extreme isolation and the intense spiritual battles in my head. However, this syndrome still rears its ugly head from time to time, and when these battles do take place, and they do, they usually take place at night, with my head on the pillow, where I can quickly sink into the abyss of isolation. I have many tools in my spiritual toolkit today to address this isolation, e.g., writing, reading, prayer, Scripture, meditation, etc. However, that wasn’t the case before saying “yes” to a relationship with God. I also needed a mentor/sponsor/accountability partner, someone I identified with, who could provide a safe place for me to share my thinking and offer spiritual solutions to my problem. My life has never been the same, and it doesn’t have to be the same for you any longer either.

Wherever you are in the seasons of life, if you struggle with the “Less Than & Apart From” syndrome, please know you are not alone; most people do at some level. In religious circles, they call this spiritual warfare, and in secular circles, it’s has a variety of titles but primarily falls into the mental illness category. Professional help is often necessary, and in extreme cases, inpatient treatment is a must, but the spiritual approach, more often than not, is the best choice. Talk to you someone you trust, throw away the whipping stick, toss the shame this sort of thinking produces to the curb, know you are not alone, get the help you need and deserve, and most importantly, seek a relationship with God. God doesn’t make too hard of terms for those who honestly seek a relationship with the Creator of the universe.

God of love, thank You for offering a way out of the abyss of isolation and muddled thinking. Please grant me the courage to use the spiritual tools at my disposal for victory over the spiritual battle between my ears. Please help me muster the courage to confess my struggles and seek the proper treatment for my hurts, habits, and hangups. In Your Spirit and Name, I pray these things. May Your will not mine always materialize, now and forever. Amen.